Are We Teaching Generosity to Our Children?

Are we teaching our children to be generous?

I remember my earliest encounters with generosity, like the time my dad noticed a homeless man outside of McDonald’s. “Come with me, son.” We talked to the man, and my father offered to buy him a meal, which he gratefully accepted.

Or, each Sunday, how he would bring out his checkbook (remember those??). I can still see him making out the check in his slightly shaky hand, and I can hear the sound of the check being torn out, folded up, and put into the offering plate as it passed.

Or when he took me to an orphanage in Tijuana, Mexico, to serve poor children in the northern part of the country. After serving, I remember playing basketball with the other kids on an old, beaten-up hoop with no net. I remember the smiles on their faces. I was smiling, too. 

I remember how good it made me feel.

I’m a dad now of two young ladies, ages 14 and 11 – Paige and Emma. I find myself asking more and more – are we teaching our children to be generous? Am I teaching my children to be generous?

Some days, I’m afraid the answer is an unconscious “no.”

I don’t write checks anymore. I haven’t written a check in maybe two years. Funnily enough, my wife asked me the other day if we had any checkbook refills, and I couldn’t even remember where they might be. 

To be clear, writing a check is not generosity. But when it is, it’s a visible reminder. Just like putting a few dollars into the Red Kettle. Or giving at the checkout line. Or any of the seemingly fewer visible acts of generosity today. 

So much giving today is unseen. It’s done via a computer or phone, or even automated (heck, I just wrote a book about recurring giving). 

Our family gives to more than a dozen charities on a regular basis, but all of those gifts are made online or mobile, and many of them are automated. 

Generosity can be invisible if we’re not careful.

The Generosity Crisis Is Real

My friend Nathan Chappell and his coauthors Brian Crimmins and Michael Ashley wrote The Generosity Crisis in 2022.

In the book, Chappell and his colleagues describe a disheartening but inescapable trend – the United States is facing a generosity crisis. The number of Americans giving to charity today is fewer than last year, and the number of Americans giving to charity last year is fewer than the year before. 

While in most years, the amount of money given by individuals has been increasing, this is primarily thanks to fewer very large mega-donors like MacKenzie Scott, who has personally given more than $19 billion to charity over the past six years. 

The wealthy in America giving is a wonderful thing, and I would encourage more of them to give generously. But, that generosity masks the underlying trend – fewer Americans are giving to charity. 

If you’d like to learn more about The Generosity Crisis, we hosted Nathan on the Purpose & Profit Podcast, Season 4 Episode 2 – “The Generosity Crisis and Unleashing Radical Connection.”

I don’t know about you, but…

As a lifelong supporter of causes, this is a concern.

As a professional fundraiser, this is a concern.

As someone who sees purpose in inspiring generosity, this is a concern.

As a father, this is a concern.

💡 Takeaway: Fewer Americans today are giving to charity. There are many contributing factors, but this should motivate us to ask, “What can we do to address the generosity crisis?” I believe we can turn it around, but it’s going to take creativity, combined effort, and inspiring the next generation.

Am I Teaching My Children to Be Generous?

My wife and I have been blessed with two beautiful, caring, strong daughters. 

On many occasions, I’ve wondered if generosity in our family is invisible. Do we talk about it enough? Do we share why? Do we demonstrate it? Or do we just set it and forget it?

This February, our local church was inspired to host what they called Freedom February, to help fight human trafficking around the world. 

Inspired by the young people in the church, the entire community rallied to, as they said, “Do what you love to fight what you hate.” From hosting free-throw shooting contests and polar plunges, people are encouraged to do what they love to raise funds to support Atlas Free, a charity that helps fight human trafficking.

The wheels started turning immediately for my girls, and they decided to bake pastries and sell them for donations. 

So Paige and Emma's Patisserie for Freedom was born. Like good daughters of a proud marketer, they had a tagline: “Baked Goods to Do What We Love to Fight What We Hate.”

Above: Paige and Emma’s Patisserie for Freedom was created to raise money to fight human trafficking through the charity Atlas Free.

They set an ambitious goal of $400.

Over the past several weeks, they’ve baked up a storm. Grandma made the first order, then Aunt Bronwyn. It’s been a joy to watch them work together. And if you’ve ever made French macarons, you’ll know they are not easy. It’s a full-day affair to make just one batch. 

This past weekend, the girls baked Friday night and nearly all day Saturday, just in time to set up shop at a Sunday Market for Freedom that our church hosted.

Above: My girls spent this past weekend doing what they love to fight what they hate – raising money to fight human trafficking.

After the day was done, we tallied their total toward their Freedom February target. 

Would they hit their goal of $400?

YES, they would.

My girls were thrilled. The seemingly insurmountable goal was accomplished. They had worked so hard. Told others about what they were doing. And they were rewarded with a sense of fulfillment that they have made a difference in the lives of others. 

Generosity feels good. 

On the way home from the Sunday Market, we talked about how each of them can develop habits of generosity. Emma, 11, asked if she could choose two organizations and give to one every other month. Paige, 14, said she wants to give to Atlas Free monthly. 

I couldn’t be more proud of them as their dad. To see the joy and satisfaction on their faces. They will always remember this experience, but I also love that the moment sparked in them a desire to make an ongoing difference. 

Three Ways to Teach Our Children Generosity

As I’ve thought about this whole experience, the broader generosity crisis, and how we can teach our children to be more generous, three things come to mind.

1. Make it Visible. In your context, what are ways you can make generosity visible? One way is to participate in an experience like our Freedom February fundraiser or find ways to talk about and show generosity.

💡 Takeaway: Find ways to make generosity real and tangible. 

2. Normalize Generosity. I want our children to know that generosity is a way of life in our family. It’s not a one-time-a-year thing, or just during the holidays. Generosity feels good, but it’s also an everyday part of who we are. Monthly recurring giving is one way we do that as a family. Generosity is not just about giving money, so we look for opportunities to serve. 

💡 Takeaway: Develop ways to make generosity an ongoing habit, not just a one-time affair. 

3. Celebrate the Joy of Giving. Giving feels good. My wife and I were just as thrilled as the girls when they hit their goal. We didn’t hold back our excitement. It was a highlight for the whole family. 

💡 Takeaway: Lean into the joy of giving. Celebrate the feeling of doing good. 

Until next week… Surf’s Up! 🌊

  - Dave

About the Author | Dave Raley

Consultant, speaker, and author Dave Raley is the founder of Imago Consulting, a firm that helps nonprofits and businesses who serve nonprofits create profitable growth through sustainable innovation. He’s the author of the book The Rise of Sustainable Giving: How the Subscription Economy is Transforming Recurring Giving, and What Nonprofits Can Do to Benefit. Dave also writes a weekly innovation and leadership column called The Wave Report, and the co-founder of the Purpose & Profit Podcast — a show about the ideas at the intersection of nonprofit causes and for-profit brands. Connect with Dave on LinkedIn.

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